Attempting to go systematically on my posts this time, so hopefully this works out somehow.

So for the first major post on my blog, I'm going to be ranting about rants. Lets start off with a question: Have you ever seen one of those ridiculously long, wordy and pointless posts somewhere attempting to sway you, the reader by using extremely bombastic and mouth-tying phrases describing the world when you can see it with your own damn eyes? The stupidest thing is that the poster doesn't realize that nobody cares about his silly long jumbled up post full of retarded ideas and stories about how dogs are terrible because females are bitches and trees are green and leafy, or that orange drops are actually made of purple pianos, and that trees made of gold do not exist because gold is made of trees, or possibly even that the Statue of Liberty is really a giant cookie monster. I've seen rants talking about everything from dirty toilets to clean toilets; and I can tell you that it is not fun reading some of these rants. I remember the rant I was reading about the other day on the subject of why toilets should be clean, and it totally made so much sense when he was ranting about condoms in a rant about toilets. He even went on to rant about how ranting about toilets helps to put off ranters from ranting about toilets, because the ranting makes ranters feel like ranting about condoms more than ranting about toilets. All these ranters probably think that ranting puts life into perspective, by expressing life in the form of rants. Well I'll tell you straight to the face that rants only serve to confuse you even more, because you'll start thinking that life is made of rants and that jumping out of your window is equivalent to paragraphing your rants.

That hurt. Anyway, aside from jumping out of your window in order to enable the paragraphing of rants, do note that rants do have one inherent benefit: they are a complete waste of time and help to make life a better place by ensuring that your head isn't full of rants when you're trying to think of what to rant about next. After all, if trees were made of gold, your condoms would cover a purple piano and oranges would have been blue apples born from green grass!